i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
