and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
