yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
