Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
