I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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