her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
