i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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