I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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