would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
