Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
