I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
