I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
