I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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