the condom got lost in my hair
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
