Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
