It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
