she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
