Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
