Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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