need another drink. this is the easiest way
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
