dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
