i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
