Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
