Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
