It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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