I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
