your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
