I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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