I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
