Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
