Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
