I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
