you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
