She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
