I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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