Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
