Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
God, I missed his penis.
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