Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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