why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
