Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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