Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
