I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
