I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
