Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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