I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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