Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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