i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
