it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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