Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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