It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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